Change the Conversation surrounding disability and mental health | #SocietySomedaySunday

 Content warning: mental health and mental health difficulties.

Society someday will... change the conversation surrounding disability and mental health.

That’s my hope, anyway.

I did have a different post planned for today but as it was World Mental Health Day yesterday and also International Day of the Girl today, I’d thought I’d write something more relevant about my experiences of mental health as a disabled woman both now and when I was younger. It’s quite personal, but I think it’s important to be open and show that mental health should hold significance every day of the year as well as being marked by a specific day.

I thought about what I would like to write and how to articulate it. I have definitely experienced mental health difficulties in the past and while I don’t feel completely comfortable sharing them here, one thing I think that does need to be addressed is the way society approaches disability and mental health.

When I refer to talking to people in this post, I’m not referring to my family or friends.  I have tried not to make generalisations and this is based on my personal experiences!

In the past, when I have spoken about my mental health to people (usually with a nondisabled person) it hasn’t been dismissed as such. People have listened to me and that is something I’m grateful for as I know not everyone has that (even though it should be the norm). Often though, it has been perceived as “normal” or “natural” for me to experience mental health difficulties because I am disabled. On occasion, instead of being offered something to help, I have been congratulated almost, for not feeling worse. 

Something needs to change with regards to disability and mental health. The way we think about it. The way we talk about it.

I think it’s a shame that the narrative of pity and negativity - and the way we see disability as a whole - has become so engrained that it is assumed and is hard to separate from my other experiences, that may be totally unrelated. The things I might have wanted to discuss could be things that many women, or people, go through - disabled or not! Although being disabled is a big part of my identity, it is not everything. Moreover, to have these assumptions come from those we see at our potentially most vulnerable can be upsetting.

Worse than trying to confront the narrative of pity is that negativity surrounding disability can be internalised. This is something I have experienced, and it is hard to both explain and put in perspective. Society starts to validate and fuel your conflicting feelings about your disabled identity - frustration and sadness, yet also that you could “achieve so much” (keep reading for more on that).

There seems to me to be a dangerous relationship between mental health and disability - the way we approach it is in my experience not ideal and yet this can exacerbate mental health difficulties.

I can still struggle with how I feel about being disabled and its impacts on my disability - but I’m better at seeing what shapes that and putting it into perspective. For anyone struggling, it’s hard and there isn’t necessarily an “end point” where you only feel happy, but you’ll get there.

So, how can things change? I should say here that I’m by no means an expert on this (!) and that these are purely my own experiences.

Well, I think we could start with validating and trying to experiences of disabled people without reinforcing the view that mental health difficulties should be the norm for them. I have actually avoided speaking to people about my disability when discussing my mental health in the past because I’ve thought that it was not constructive (there’s no cure for Cerebral Palsy) and I didn’t want to meet the conventions of how society sees disability - for me to feel worse through them offering pity. This shouldn’t have been the case, and actually my disability may have been relevant to my experiences. To be clear, understanding and empathy is important and needed. Letting stereotypes get in the way of this is not.

More widely, we need to see more positive representation of disability in society - more than just stories about people “grappling” with their disability or wishing for a nondisabled life. This is an important and valid narrative - but it cannot be the only one. 

On the flip side, often disabled people are seen as “inspirational” if they “overcome their disability” or find a way to minimise the impact it has on their lives. For me, I see two main issues with this - one, it creates a pressure to live up to, but secondly it could work to go against any negative feelings that someone does have about disability, making them feel worse - a “failure” for not being all that society wants them to be. The feeling that you have to ignore parts of who you are, whatever they may be, can be incredibly harmful. Like with struggling, not - or being very positive - is a valid narrative but there should be others too. So I suppose my point is, there needs to be a multitude of conversations about disability and mental health - including those that see disability and as average too, not one extreme or the other. Disabled people shouldn’t exist purely for the inspiration of others, most often nondisabled people. I said earlier in this post, people can give you the feeling that if you weren’t sad about being disabled, you could achieve a lot, but the reality is you can achieve if you’re disabled. It might be different, it might be the same as others, but it is still an achievement. The “inspiration” narrative can inadvertently belittle the achievements of disabled people.

Disabled people also deserve to be able to talk about disability and mental health with disabled people, if that’s what they choose. I’m not trying to group people together or make assumptions here (as can happen often) - that because people are disabled they’ll get along - but I do believe it could help in terms of how people perceive and approach issues. As with anyone who you feel “doesn’t understand you”, talking to nondisabled professionals about mental health can be draining. Disability representation, acceptance and participation in all spheres - not just the media, but in mental health (and other aspects of medicine) too. 

I hope that society someday changes the conversations surrounding disability and mental health, and am optimistic that this can and will happen in the future.

Thanks for reading. This post is very personal to me but it felt important to share. Again, these are my own views based on my own experiences. 

Ellie